Russian Blog
This is a blog by JustRussian about learning Russian. You will find useful tips for learning Russian, Russian courses available in London, information about Russian culture and links to websites with information for students of Russian.
A few tips on etiquette, or how to be polite in Russian?
By Vlada 16 August 08
More info from a Russian teacher in London, or things you may have to know but may not learn in a Russian course.
“Come here quickly! Pick up that thing! Go into the kitchen and bring me a plate! Go, go!! Quickly!!” Translated into English, it may sound like commands in prison… but that’s how my 7 year old niece is spoken to by her elders. And I am afraid it sounds absolutely normal to me! How else do you talk to a child?!
Yes, Russians are very direct and they like to use imperatives. Combined with “please” – “pozhaluysta”, it sounds absolutely polite and appropriate even in formal situations. So in a restaurant people usually say “Bring us another bottle of water!” or “Give us the bill!” and in a shop – “Show me that thing”, or “Wrap it up please!” We wouldn’t normally use “could you” or “would you” or “do you mind”, unless we want to be super careful and thoughtful towards the person we are dealing with.
So you always have to adjust your Russian-English or English Russian translation to the customs of the language. Polite English expressions translated literally into Russian sound very over the top and as if you feel guilty and unsure of what you are doing. And the other way round, Russian imperatives in English translation sound rude and abrupt. It’s easy to get it wrong when you don’t want to think about it too much. I am afraid I am guilty myself of giving orders in English (fortunately, usually to people who know why I talk like that!) and being over-polite in Russian. When shop assistants in Moscow start giving me funny looks, it means it’s time to switch into imperatives and stop saying “please” all the time!
An Anglo-Saxon polite smile is a strange concept for Russians. Smiling at strangers in public places is not a good idea. A popular Russian belief is that smiling for no apparent reason is a sign of being stupid. So if you start smiling at strangers in lifts and on public transport, they may think that either something is wrong with you, or you are about to chat them up. Do Russians smile? Of course they do, but only when they mean it and not out of politeness. That is why everyone in public places usually looks so gloomy. It’s important to look serious to be taken seriously, and does not mean that everyone is miserable! When McDonalds opened its first restaurant in Moscow in 1990, they tried to encourage (or maybe even make?) their staff smile at customers. It lasted a few months, I think, during which people formed huge queues to get it, in order to see: a) unusual American fast food, and b) smiling cashiers! And then everyone reverted to type and stopped smiling…
In a friendly conversation, we like to put across our opinions directly and not beat around the bush trying to be polite. It’s acceptable to say “I think you are completely wrong!” especially if you explain why. In a work place, the relationships between people are rather hierarchical and the boss usually has the right to say things directly and bluntly.
But it’s not all that ruthless… Bits of negative information given to strangers in a formal polite situation are usually preceded by the expression “you know (vy znaete)…” which more or less corresponds to the English “I am afraid”. “May I talk to Ivan?” (direct translation – “Please call Ivan to the phone!”)- “You know (“Vy znaete”), he is out of the office”). And if you want to ask a question, making it negative will make it sound polite – “Vy ne znaete, gde stantsiya?” – “You don’t happen to know where the station is?”
When meeting someone, the question “How are you?” usually presumes genuine interest, and requires a real answer. When this is not the case, people just get straight down to business. So you wouldn’t ask a shop assistant you meet every day in your local shop, or your bank manager how they are today, unless they become your friends. I remember reading in one of the interviews with a famous Russian actress her story of working and travelling in America and meeting a lot of people at receptions and parties. All of them asked her how she was, but none were really interested or expecting a real answer. So once, being at yet another party, when she was asked by a lady she’d never met before, “How are you?” she quickly said “My husband drowned himself this morning!” The lady either couldn’t believe what she had just heard, or didn’t listen, and answered “Ok, good!”
Deciding when to start using “ty” (the singular “you”), as opposed to “vy” (the formal polite “you”) can be tricky. It makes me cringe when my students in Russian lessons start calling me “ty”! I understand that it is because they think it sounds friendlier than “vy”, but I never know how to tell them that to a Russian, especially someone who has worked as a teacher all her life and is used to a polite form of address, it sounds completely inappropriate! “Ty” should be reserved for friends, and not for teachers and other professionals you deal with. “Vy” is a sign of respect among grown up people who do not know each other very well, so it’s best to stick to it.
All this said, a foreigner who is just learning Russian will of course be exempt from all these intricacies of politeness. People will appreciate any effort you make to speak Russian to them, and making it too polite (and sometimes even not polite enough!) will only make it more charming!